100 Emails, 20 Dates An SF girl's systematic quest to end her singlehood

The Worst Kind of Kiss | Poll Results

My bad kissing poll ("What's the worst kind of kiss?") had some interesting results, in that there was no clear winner! I used the WordPress plugin to create this poll, and I can't figure out how to close the poll, so these are the results as of today (November 30, 2008).

• Sloppy: 15% (2 votes)
• Tongue down your throat: 23% (3 votes)
• Lizard tongue: 15% (2 votes)
• Spastic kissing: 23% (3 votes)
• Other: 23% (3 votes) Responses included "Aggressive."

Apparently, wet, dry, and noisy aren't really big issues for people when it comes to kissing. Personally, I hate noisy kisses, but it seems that I am not alone in having fairly traumatic experiences with people who tongues went a bit too far down the throat. (I'd really like to find out what's appealing for the tongue-thruster in this kind of kiss. Because I just don't get it. It seems to me that'd you'd risk pulling a muscle or something.)

Spastic kissing also tied for first. Both of these responses are kind of encouraging, because sticking one's tongue down a partner's throat or kissing spastically is not really necessary (both seem like behavior someone learns from watching movies) and is controllable.

Roodle made a really good point in the comments: "I think it's actually easier to talk about what you want in sex than it is in kissing, since kissing comes when you don't know each other well." I'd add, too, that there's something really personal about kissing that makes it hard to give feedback. Plus, sex has an end goal in mind. It's OK to give feedback in order to help reach that goal in a faster or more enjoyable way (or just get there, period). But kissing is all about the act in and of itself. Kristin wondered (as I'm sure many of us have) if you should dump someone who's a bad kisser.

I think part of the problem with this poll, though, is that the choices weren't quite right. Sloppy and wet are kind of related, for example. Ah well, time to drum up an idea for tomorrow's poll, since I fell off the wagon last week. (Between being sick, playing two gigs in three days, wrapping up my job last Wednesday, and preparing to start a new one tomorrow, I've been a bit short on time.)

The Valentine's Day Poll | Poll Results

If you've been to a bar with me at any point since Valentine's Day 2008, you probably have received the Valentine's poll in person. I love this one, because I love seeing what behaviors can push someone off the fence and also because this one gets the best explanations. So, let's go through it scenario by scenario.

1. Your date runs into an ex and gives him/her a friendly kiss on the lips.

• Totally fine with it: 6% (1 vote)
• Red flag: 71% (12 votes)
• Dealbreaker: 24% (4 votes)

When I gave this one to my friend Alexis, he said that a lot of his girl friends greet everyone with a kiss on the lips, so it doesn't necessarily mean anything. A lot of guys, however, tend to consider this red flag or dealbreaker. People who have been cheated on in the past also tend to consider this a dealbreaker.

2. Your date talks about him- or herself the entire time.

• Totally fine with it: 6% (1 vote)
• Red flag: 59% (10 votes)
• Dealbreaker: 35% (6 votes)

More people tend to find this one a dealbreaker, and judging from the feedback people give, it's because the scenario is the third or fourth date. I expected women to react most strongly to this, but actually guys seem to hate it when girls only talk about themselves during a date, too. Sometimes, when giving this poll, I add, "If you start talking about yourself, he/she listens, but he/she doesn't ask you anything about yourself." It doesn't tend to change the results.

3. Your date reveals he/she is vegan, doesn't eat wheat or wheat products, and the only alcohol he/she can consume is wine.

• Totally fine: 18% (3 votes)
• Red flag: 29% (5 votes)
• Dealbreaker: 53% (9 votes)

This is more of a polarizing scenario. Quite a few people were fine with it, possibly because almost all of my poll respondents are in San Francisco, and people here are fairly tolerant of different food proclivities/dining habits/diets/whatever. But what do you do on a date? You eat and you drink. For many people, the drinking aspect wasn't a big deal, but the dining was. Alexis had a good point, saying that food is really important to him (he used to be the art director for a food industry magazine in New York), and dating someone who had so many dietary restrictions would limit the options of what they could do too much.

4. Your date has mad gas.

• Totally fine: 50% (8 votes)
• Red flag: 38% (6 votes)
• Dealbreaker: 13% (2 votes)

People are most tolerant of gas! Which, as Roodle pointed out in the comments, is kind of heartening. Most people tend to acknowledge that gas is uncontrollable; although men tend to be more forgiving of it than women. Maybe they accidentally ate bell peppers or some other trigger food. My friend Andrew said that he was more than totally fine with it; he'd be glad if a date flatulated around him. "It means she's like family," he said.

I have to point out that, in person, this one always elicits the most clarifying questions: "Has this happened before?" "Does he/she do this on every date?" "Is it smelly and loud or just one of the two?" (People tend to prefer smelly over loud.) The only way I clarify it is to say that you haven't noticed it being a problem before.