100 Emails, 20 Dates An SF girl's systematic quest to end her singlehood

What the hell am I doing?

I've been seriously questioning the value of all this online dating nonsense. It's a lot of work, a lot of money (in the case of Match), and I've met only one nice guy through it (not through Match -- I'll post about him later). In the meantime, I'm spending all this time at home, alone, on my computer, trying desperately to get return emails. In the meantime, I'm missing out on all these things that I want to be doing.

Online dating sites are kind of like virtual bars, right? Match is like the big, pleasant bar with the obvious neon sign. Everyone goes there first. If they like the people there, they stay and they hang out. If they don't, they just end up being virtual wallflowers, sipping their beers, and trying (perhaps in vain) to talk to people. It works for a lot of people. Two of my friends met their husbands through Match.

I think what I'm realizing is that Match isn't really for me. It's so much work, and for me, there's no payoff. I've only met up with one guy from Match, and as you can all see from my ever-increasing tally of emails sent, it's not really from lack of trying. Yes, I could try harder. Of course I could. But I still don't think it's quite the right place for me.

People there are all about what they do. I'm not really about what I do. I mean, I play music, but I don't want to talk about music all the time. I like traveling, but it's more about the little experiences, eating an eclair by a Japanese patissier on a sunny day in Jardin du Luxembourg. I don't care about crossing off countries as if they're on a big to-go list. I like having smart conversations and doing stupid things and struggling with the crossword on a Sunday morning while eating a big, gigantic homemade breakfast. I want a home that feels cozy and welcoming, where friends drop by and we have big BBQs in summer and game nights the rest of the year. That doesn't really translate on Match. Or at least, I haven't been able to make it translate.

I need a new strategy. I need to actually meet people, like in the real world. I'm open to suggestions, people. I don't need cheerleading, I need strategy. In the meantime, I'll do a third revision of my profile and see what that gets me.