Coffee is for closers, aka closing the deal | Baby step #4

7Dec/093

Coffee is for closers, aka closing the deal | Baby step #4

"I'd wish you good luck, but you wouldn't know what to do with it if you got it."

I was passing by my favorite bar tonight, so I decided to stop in for a happy hour beer. I figured if there was no one else to talk to, I could talk to my friend, who tends bar there most Mondays.

There had been a guy standing outside who looked like he could be my friend's younger brother: same surfer look, blond hair, and plaid shirt. He came back inside and sat down next to me, then immediately got up and start affixing something to the door. Me, my friend the bartender, and a couple other guys started talking about fried chicken. You know, as you do with strangers at a bar.

Hot surfer dude sat back down, and we started chatting. It turns out he's from my home state and not that far away. I think he's right out of college. (My 15-year reunion is in May.) We talked about fake IDs, he told me his foolproof method of faking the ID from our home state (a key element is having a friend who works at Blockbuster, because they use the same lamination technique), what we did for a living, NASA and rocket scientists, the cellophane he taped over the broken window in the door, other random things. Did I mention he was hot? And nice? And hot?

I realized, however, two things:

I have no inner cougar. Some girls do, some girls don't. My friend J, who calls this kind of hot young thang a "puppy," does. I admire that. A lot. I mean, it would be kind of fun, right? It seems like it would be fun.
I am not a closer. Even if, at some point, I thought, "I want to smooch this guy" or, perhaps, "I want to see this guy again," I have no idea how to get the conversation headed in the "exchanging phone numbers" direction.

I suppose "closing the deal" should be baby step #10 or something, but I'm really so hopeless after the eye contact thing that I don't know the proper order after that. So I apologize for the non-sequential baby steps. Expect more of the same. #22 will probably be "Introducing yourself" or something.

So how does one close the deal? Should a girl let a guy do that? If so, how does she pave the way? Thoughts?

As a sidenote: Ooh, young Alec Baldwin. So hot. So angry.

Filed under: crushes, dating, me, obstacles Leave a comment

Comments (3) Trackbacks (1) ( subscribe to comments on this post )

generic
December 8th, 2009 - 10:28

But Mamet tells you. He tells you how right there. In this metaphor you’re the salesman. Attention: Do you have his attention? Yes. Interest: Is he interested? No one knows. That’s where you got stuck. Do the usual. Ask bluntly, in the course of conversation, do you have a girlfriend? Are you looking for one? Too gauche? Ask the bartender. Make the conversation about the status of “relationships”. Desire: we’ll have to skip desire because we don’t know the answer to “interest” yet. Action: Give. Him. Your. Email. As you’re leaving. Cocktail napkin. It’s that simple. I’m not saying it’s easy, just that it’s not complex.

The thing about closers? They shun subtlety.
N
December 8th, 2009 - 21:10

Haha. You’re so right. I guess “A Always, B Be, C Closing” should be my new dating motto!
E
December 18th, 2009 - 12:58

I’m not good at dating, but I’m great at closing in these kinds of situations, I guess. I say “If you’d like to hang out sometime, give me a call,” and hand him my number. It’s easiest to do it as you walk out the door and then there is no awkwardness, but then you don’t get any feedback until they do or don’t call. Here, though, it sounds like you weren’t actually that interested. I mean you go out and have fun—then what? Maybe you didn’t close cause you didn’t really want to.

BTW, I have learned two things that may help you at some point.

1) My roommate and I in college honed a system where you say to a guy “You’ve got really pretty eyes” as if you were really surprised and were just kind of noticing in passing. Touch his arm as you say it, don’t make a big deal of it, and then change the subject to something unflirty or leave. Then you make sure to run into him two days later, put on a huge smile, and he will ask you out. It worked all the time, but it has to be someone you know you will see again.

I know it sounds cheesy, but maybe guys need a little cheese for their egos?

2) If you say to a guy, would you like to go out sometime?, you get much less of a response than “Why don’t you take me for a drink sometime.” (statement). I figured this one out when I was on my high school newspaper and we gave them out for free. When we said, “Would you like a Ledger?” most people said no. When we said “Here’s a Ledger for you!” they said thanks and took it.