100 Emails, 20 Dates An SF girl's systematic quest to end her singlehood

Email 20, Date 8: A twist of fate

After one of my shows recently, a cute guy came up as I was taking down the mics to buy a CD. As I crouched down to give it to him, I noticed he had a really nice, genuine smile. He looked right into my eyes as we were talking and said he really enjoyed the show. I introduced myself. "I'm X.," he said, and walked away. "I like your glasses," I called, trying to extend the conversation. "I like your playing," he replied, over one shoulder, and walked away.

Another missed opportunity, I thought. Two days later, I found two emails waiting for me on OKCupid (in my profile, I say that I'm looking for a partner-in-crime and that I'm not averse to getting into a little trouble now and again):

Date: Feb. 22, 2010
Subject: trouble maker

hey, so i'm down for a bit of trouble now and again. well, not robbing 7-11's or anything like that but at least so good natured fun. you seem fun and cute and love music- all awesome things.

i hope you're enjoying this gorgeous sunny day before the rain returns.

A great first email, right? Followed by:

Date: Feb. 23, 2010 – 11:31am
Subject: so n.

I swear i am not stalking you! but i serendipitously happened to go out last night with some friends and there you were up on the stage! sounding awesome if i do say so.

we spoke briefly afterwards when i bought a cd and you commented on my glasses. I'm listening to it now as i sit inside watching the rain and debating a cup of coffee.

i don't believe in fate or predestination but it is quite odd that i emailed you yesterday out of the blue then ran into you last night. of course this town is pretty small also.

anyway, perhaps you aren't creeped out and will write me back. if not, alas.

I was so excited! A second chance! And from his profile, he'd done some really interesting things in his life: filmmaking, building a cabin. There were so many things I wanted to ask about. I broke one of my cardinal rules and took a minute or two at work to write back:

Date: Feb. 24
Subject: so n.

This is kind of awesome.

I don't know that I believe in fate, but it is nice to think that (good) things happen for a (good) reason.

I'd ask you lots of questions about all the interesting things in your profile, but I feel like we've already gotten the first awkward conversation out of the way, so why not just meet up? Are you around this weekend? Maybe Saturday or Sunday afternoon?

He responded the next day, Thursday, suggesting that we wait until closer to the weekend to figure out when and where to meet up. I found that a little curious (how much closer to the weekend did we need to me?), but he did follow up with several great suggestions of places to meet: all small, interesting, and quirky.

We met up for pie on Sunday afternoon, about two hours before I had a dinner reservation with friends. I got there first, and settled down with a ginger lemonade and the New York Times. He came in, and we went up to get ourselves some pie. I noticed he was missing a tooth and wondered if it would be rude to ask how that happened.

He seemed a bit distracted, and I could detect a faint odor--like he'd been running around all day. Turns out he had. "I've been going since 6:30 a.m.," he said. He and his brother had become obsessed with soccer, and they watched a match at an Irish bar that morning.

"Oh, you're into soccer?" I said, excited to have something to contribute. I told him about this story I had been working on, in which we traced the geopolitical factors (type of government, former colonizing power, whether a country is a member of OPEC) that correlate with winning national soccer teams. It's one of my favorite stories that I've worked on. I was thrilled to find someone I could talk to about it.

My enthusiasm was met with a blank stare. He made a polite comment about the piece, then the conversation came to a halt. I asked him about something else in his profile. He answered the question, I commented on it, hoping to engage him in further conversation, and...nothing.

It was one of those maddening conversations between two genuinely interesting people that just doesn't go anywhere. We had zero chemistry. "Tant pis," I thought to myself as I walked to meet my friends for dinner. "Next!"

Postscript: X. texted me the next day to see if I'd like to hang out again. I said I had decided to take some time off from dating for a bit, and told him it was nice meeting him. Maybe I'll see him around. If I knew an earthier, artier girl, I would fix her up with him.

Editor's Note: Due to an accounting error, I goofed on the date number when I did the URL for this page.