100 Emails, 20 Dates An SF girl's systematic quest to end her singlehood

Crazy Craigslist Ads: The "Sugar Daddy" Personal

My friend Lessley sent this to me today, along with some more, um, appropriate postings. My favorite parts are the details about the car (you can ONLY use one of the two of the five) and the juxtaposition of "READ CAREFULLY" in a posting rife with typos.

SUGAR DADDY LOOKING TO TAKE CARE OF SOMEONE -RESTRICTIONS APPLY!!!! - 35 (downtown / civic / van ness)

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Reply to: xxxxx@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-10-04, 2:07PM PDT

I don't feel like bullshitting or messing around, so I'll just get to the point.

I'm a pretty damn nice guy, but I have a grueling work schedule; I'm constantly flying around the world (I'm in the oil industry) and meeting with various people. This has seriously taken a toll on my dating and relationships. After thinking about it for awhile, I've decided to compromise. So I'll tell you what I have to offer and then I'll tell you what I expect. It's almost like a business deal, but it's really not, depending on how you look at it. It doesn't really matter to me, but I think it would be mutually beneficial.

What I have to offer:

I have a pretty nice home in SF, but I'm not there very often - the pictures will show that. I love SF and I refuse to sell it. I'm there probably 7 months out of the year, if that. YOU, as my girlfriend, will be allowed to stay there and use all the amenities, which include a hot tub, pool, etc etc. I also have two cars (I actually have 5, but you are ONLY allowed to use one of the two that YOU may pick). I have a BMW 650Ci or a Mercedes Benz SL500. They are fully insured and as my live-in girlfriend, so will you. You may pick ONLY one, not both. The other 3 cars are off limits at all times.

There are no bills to pay as my CPA will handle that - you just live there, do your thing, NO PARTIES, and take care of the house, like a girlfriend/wife.

You'll get a montly allowance and a credit card to do what you will - the card will have a limit, so you can't go crazy on it, ok?

What I expect:

***READ CAREFULLY***

I expect you to be home when I'm there. If you can cook, great! If not, that's fine. On occassion, when I have to go to Europe, I WILL invite you and you MUST come. I will NOT take you to Dubai or the middle east (I hate going there myself and avoid it at all cost). But Paris? Sicily? I'll be more than happy to take you.

You ALWAYS have to look good - you'll get a card and cash to make yourself pretty - when I have guests, you need to represnt VERY well.

Be prepared to travel extensively inside the US - NY, FLorida, Texas, Washington, and a few other states.

When I call, YOU Pick up. Always.

When I get home, you WILL take care of me in "other" ways. Absolutely no hesistation. If you do, our deal is over.

Essentially what I say goes.

But as you can see, I have a lot to offer - I WILL take care of you, but you have to take care of me too. That's the deal.

Who knows, maybe you'll fall for me. Or not. Doesn't matter. I take care of you, you take care of me.

So here are a few more details:

I'm caucasian. You must be white or hispanic.
You cannot have any baggage whatsoever. Period.
You must be between the height of 5"1' to 5"10'
Cannot be overweight.
Hair/eye color does not matter.

Send a FEW pictures of yourself - regular, headshot, lingerie, bikini, nude..whatever. Just be "good looking." What can I say? You can't expect me to go shop in Versace in their Paris store with someone that doesn't fit the mold, do you?