100 Emails, 20 Dates An SF girl's systematic quest to end her singlehood

10Feb/096

The wild, wild world of online dating

I recently handed in my dating site review article. I totally went down the rabbit hole researching this piece, trying to find sites that would work (the original assignment was online video dating) and spending way too much time. I'm going to post notes from some of my experiences soon, but as a teaser, here are all the sites I looked at with a couple of quick notes. It's a wild world out there.

One note, my editor asked me to rate the dates I went on, if possible. It wasn't. One thing I now know about myself: I am even more wildly unpopular with guys online than I am in person. Seriously. It's demoralizing.

Free Sites

  • OKCupid: I liked this one!
  • Plentyoffish: Looks like it was designed in the early 90s. I haven't dug too deeply into it.
  • DowntoEarth: Match.com-lite with community policing of, well, everything.
  • MakeFriendsOnline: I signed up for this, but didn't really spend much time on it.
  • Canoodle: A profile aggregator. Most of the profiles I saw were from BeNaughty, so BeWarned.
  • 2busy2date: I didn't sign up for this, but the main benefit is that the profile is allegedly shorter. One headline read "Tired of Being Along." Apparently, he was too busy to read his headline a second time.
  • OmniDate: This is a virtual dating site, like SecondLife or something (I've never actually used SecondLife, I'm just guessing). You pick an avatar and go on a date with someone else's avatar, communicating through IMs that appear as speech bubbles. No one asked me out, so I couldn't check this out. (See previous note about being wildly unpopular.)

Video Speed Dating Sites

  • WooMe: An assault on the senses, but fun
  • SpeedDate: Cool idea, but after trying WooMe, it was tame to the point of boring

Other Video Dating Sites

  • VDateOnline: Looks like it was designed in the mid-90s, but borrows the "video introduction" concept from the 80s. You remember that scene in Singles, right? Here's my video (I did it in one take, can you tell?).
  • WebDate: This is where I made the mistake of joining a video chat room (basically an IM chat, but you can click to see different members users' web cams) at 11 pm. All I can say is, I don't know how that one guy managed to hold his webcam so steady -- and get such a closeup shot -- while clearly using his other hand for a more strenuous application.
  • True: Just added video chat rooms, but I was too scarred from my WebDate experience to check it out. Plus, it's a paid site and they're getting sued by former customers for unethical business practices.
  • DatingonDemand: A service from Comcast where you submit a video, they post it to Video on Demand, and when you find someone you like, you, well you look at other people's videos. There's no way to actually contact anyone. FAIL. [Added this after original post.]

Location-Based Dating Sites

  • Skout: The social network for Skout employees, some people in the Philippines, and some people in Europe. I would consider using this if I could keep my location more private and if it attracted more users.
  • MeetMoi: Neat service, but not executed as well as Skout. Plus, it's got that annoying earnestness of dating sites. (Come on, I've had such bad luck with dating that I'm going online. I want my sites to be my cheerleaders, or at least fun to use.)

Dating iPhone Apps

  • Crush or Flush: Basically Hot or Not plus interaction. I joined a chat and posted something...AND IT POSTED MY PHONE NUMBER. I don't know if it posted my phone number to me but my username to everyone else, but I was so freaked out, I haven't opened it up again.
  • Dating DNA: You can't really use the app until you answer the more than 300 questions on their website. The app tells you that before you log in, but if you try to login anyway, it kicks you out as if it had just crashed. Useless.
  • Hot or Not: Basically Crush or Flush.
  • WhosHere: Location-based dating app. The apps seem waaaaaaay more creepy than the websites, for some reason.
  • Match2Blue: Location-based dating app. See previous note.
  • BreakkUp: No, I don't understand why there are two k's either. I barely looked at this one.

NSFW: Or at least, that's what I discovered when I pulled up their home pages. Seriously, even the home pages are NSFW. I'm not making these live links because I don't want to attract spam.

  • Fling.com
  • OnlineBootyCall
  • LavaLife (this homepage is safe for work)

DNA-Matching Sites

  • GenePartner: Send them your spit, they'll tell you what HLA profiles you match best with. No, I don't know what that means, either. Wired ran a good piece on it -- I heart the geeky headline.
  • ScientificMatch: This one had the not-gonna-leave-anything-to-chance trifecta: DNA matching, personal values matching, AND a background check. Their Valentine's special offered half off their $995 lifetime membership (maybe the matches aren't so perfect after all). The #1 benefit listed under "The 6 Benefits of Online Dating" on their site: "Chances are increased that you'll love the natural body fragrance of your matches." And #4: "Women have a much lower chance of cheating in their exclusive relationships." There was no mention of men's likelihood to cheat.

Niche Dating Sites

Start Your Own Dating Site

  • SkaDate: Software + services.
  • There are others, but I can't find them in my notes. I think I stopped writing them down when I realized this wouldn't make a good sidebar.

If any of these links are broken, shoot me an email or leave a comment and I'll fix 'em.

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10Feb/093

This is why guys hate Valentine's Day

I went to the gym after work tonight, and the TVs were set to the GM crisis coverage on MSNBC (I think). In between interviews with a somehow-still-clueless Rick Wagoner and long panning shots of unsold trucks and SUVs, there were some truly captivating commercials. As you'd expect in the week leading up to Valentine's Day, they all had to do with gifts you could give your sweetie -- or rather, gifts a guy could give his sweetie. Things like, you know, a teddy bear or personalized PJs.

I was transfixed. Seriously? A teddy bear? And PJs with conversation hearts all over them? Are the girls 16?

And then it clicked -- this is what guys think is expected of them on Valentine's Day. No wonder they hate it. I would hate it if someone gave me an $80 teddy bear, let alone if I blew $80 on one, thinking it was an obligatory gift.

So a quick message to all men everywhere: Unless your girlfriend already has stuffed animals or novelty PJs, she probably doesn't want any more. If you feel so inclined, send her flowers at work so she can get the fame and recognition that comes with having a guy send you flowers on Valetine's Day (most girls love that). But probably all she really wants is to spend a romantic evening with you. A nice dinner at home (help her cook it) and flowers is most women's ideal way to spend Valentine's Day. Unless you're dating someone who's high-maintenance. In that case, I can't help you. You've dug your own grave. So to speak.

Here were the two most egregious commercials:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Fa41HOJ_iI]

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NVI-NlkIQso]

P.S. I find the "sexy" girl holding a teddy bear on the Vermont Teddy Bear home page deeply disturbing.

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14Jan/090

Valentine's trip: The Museum of Failed Relationships

Planning a trip to Singapore for Valentine's Day? Be sure to stop by the Museum of Failed Relationships, a traveling exhibit of mementos of heartbreak. Apparently they gather more (anonymously donated) relics of love gone wrong in each city they visit. My favorite? The axe used to destroy an ex's furniture AND some of the broken furniture.

Happy Valentine's Day!

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12Jan/090

Please, not the Valentine's Day stuff already

The book reading I went to tonight was packed. After bumping into an old coworker, I finally spotted my friend Lindsay and worked my way through the crowd to stand by her. "This must be the self-help section," I thought, looking at the displays of relationship books around us.

Or maybe the next holiday is Valentine's Day. Even though it's a solid month away, the stores are already putting out the relationship books (serious and jokey), the heart-shaped anythings, and the red whatevers. It made me realize that I am facing the very real likelihood of another Valentine's Day alone.

I'm not one of those girls who's a sucker for Valentine's Day (I did cook the same menu for two different boyfriends). But I am up for any excuse to make a nice meal (it was a really, really good menu: rack of lamb, beet couscous, chocolate pots de creme, hazelnut kisses, MSL 2/1997).

These are the things that make it hard to be single: holidays that pass without having someone to cook a yummy meal for and with, cold apartments at night and beds that would be warmer if shared with someone else, movies that you've been dying to see but you have to beg friends to go see with you.

This all made me realize two things:

1. I'm going to review one relationship book a week from now until Valentine's Day.

2. It's time to get back on the horse. I need a strategy, because with my busy schedule, waiting for the right person to come along is just not working.

Any suggestions?

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